17 June 2020
JA is one of our clients currently residing in a hotel due to the COVID-19 crisis. She has agreed to keep a diary for us and this is her first instalment.
I’ve been asked to write a little about a lot.
I am an addict, both of drugs and alcohol (of which, by the way, I am not ashamed). I was born addicted to Valium and alcohol, which obviously did me no favours, alongside a bag full of later crap.
I’ve been moved into a hotel from the streets because of the COVID-19 crisis, though I was living in a big old converted Merc truck that I miss every day. It still owns a piece of my heart. But we are here for a reason, even though it’s hard to remember this at times.
It’s not as odd here as you may think, the support staff are frickin’ amazing and the security are mint! And they all make me feel worth being Jodi and everyone needs that. I was crying out for it.
My partner is my godsend with his patience, as I’m like a bull in a china shop at the best of times. All my daily habits are different now - I’ve gone from paying for nothing to paying for nearly all. I am using weekly instead of daily, and instead of drinking my own body weight, I’m just drinking 3-4 cans a day, giving me time to concentrate on my three children. To them I would say that I am as lost without you as you are without me.
I used to say we all have the option of choice. Personally, I think this was a way of subconsciously giving myself a battering. I’ve never had that much respect for myself (evidently as I wouldn’t have fucked up my body and mind as I have). But I can say that I have always known, real deep down, that I was a ‘good egg’ or ‘staunch’, depending on what manor you’re from.
My humble and amazing Nan was always my saving grace, she had the only door open and was for the majority of the time, my only fan. RIP Nan, you’ll continue to be always and forever each of one of my yesterdays, and everyone one of my tomorrows.
In this blog, I will search my soul and bring you a handful of honesty, sharing my fears and tears, loving and blows with the readers, you all whilst I continue to live my very odd, hard, self-absorbed and self-inflicted life, although I can honestly say that I never asked for it all and I have certainly not deserved it. Cheers for reading.